Category Archives: blues

Luck favours the lazy

Ever since my domains expired along with my hosting. I rarely cared about this site and I was “microblogging”. The time for this to come back up and showcase my stuff is very important. My hosting was cancelled during my move from the USA to India and the whole moving process erased the whole memory that this site existed, as a result I lost all the data on the previous site. It was nothing but my lack of long term memory coupled with laziness. Luckily, all my posts were backed up in the last place I expected, web.archive.org! They are not technically available directly to import here but the content and images are still cached there. Godsend really. I shall be “importing” the important and popular posts (everything but my emotional ramblings) back on to this site soon and till then, below are the links for the old posts.

Latest posts are here: http://web.archive.org/web/20110203010702/http://www.siddharthabbineni.com/

The older ones are here: http://web.archive.org/web/20081205060203/http://www.siddharthabbineni.com/

Things to do now are to design a template for this thing, I really like my old one but I am thinking some new style for this one and import the content from web.archive.org. Who would have thought your content would be backed up by some site you never even visited, as I said Luck. I would buy a beer for archive.org if it were a person.

Also, GoDaddy stole my domain name (siddharthabbineni.com) and I am trying to get it back from them and they are basically trying to extort the shit out of me.

Till then, Ciao!

Love and hate my ass…

A few days ago, I wanted to write an entry on “The Thin line between Love and Hate”. I was that screwed, just to give a taste of what it was like; here is a part of it.


When we love something and we can’t get it, we are in a bad situation. There are many reasons why we can’t get what we want, maybe it is with someone else or it is just not possible to get it coz of the million factors involved in the getting it. Whatever the reason, it is time we realize.

I was literally crumpling. I had no idea why, I couldn’t get my thoughts together, what I wanted to do, what I had to do, all that. I was completely messed up.

One night, I was discussing all that with Virat, and was telling him how messed up I was. Then all of a sudden a hippie friend of mine (a good guy, but annoying) started his normal routine of pissing me off by pleading me to death until I fulfilled his request. I was bummed already, and above that, the hippie keeps pestering me. Then after all this Vik realized I became too soft, I wasn’t the Cartman I was before and that I am being too kind and too nice to people. I was shocked myself when I realized that it was the truth. I became too soft.

He then started to tease me, by putting up status messages like “Cartman the new Hippie Slave!!!”, funny chat that was. It was the moment that a switch in me flicked and the Cartman in me woke up again. Then its that feeling of realizing how stupid you have been all the time, that you didn’t deserve to be in the situation you were in. Everything came back. I never believed in people changing in instants, but, that moment proved that I was wrong. My whole mindset changed, I was more rational than emotional, more cunning than naïve. Not actually a change, but being back to what I am!

The next day onwards everything was different, I felt like was one pedestal over everyone, that egoistic feel was amazing. I am back on track and the Cartman-ish feeling is great. The whole reason I was messed up became my main objective, sort of. I’m enjoying every second of it. I can’t stop smiling, at all, even if I’m surrounded by people, whenever I think about what I’ve decided to do, that evil smile comes up on my face and its not controllable. Even when I’m writing this, I’m smiling. I’m now so confident, I didn’t rewrite a single word of this blog, this is a continuous write, no going back and checking for if I was wrong and all. Its all proof I need to believe I’m stronger.

Cartman:God has told me how to make 10 million dollars!
Stan:how?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: Boy band?
Cartman: Boy band.
Stan: I’m not being part of any faggy boy band.
Cartman: Theres nothing faggy about 10 million dollars, asshole.

Looping into darkness

The wordings in the song Dreaming by System of a Down, clearly explain the state I am in

I’m saying:
You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all
Why did you go there?

She lost her mind
Someone kicked her into the back of the line
She lost her head

I’m thinking:
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can’t deny

Without my knowledge, this has become a routine, it keeps looping in my life. Only A few know what I am talking about, what the exact case is. But the whole situation has left me confused. I cant end it coz I’m having fun, at the same time the misery rather confusion I’m in, is making me think otherwise. One thing I can say for sure though, I never thought so much about anything in my entire life.

In the ditch again

Crap, monster gave up when I left it idle and went out. HDD crashed and the now existing windows install says “UNMOUNTABLE_BOOT_VOLUME”. The SMPS is acting so gay, even the motherboard is reporting a “Fail” status to core components like VCore etc. I don know how long I can make this thing last. Above all this there is this problem of keyboard and mouse dying all off a sudden when I’m working. Although I have Guns’ Antec SMPS, the true power 500W one, it make the system dance on power, so thats useless. I’m on my trustworthy FC6 install now, my vista expired so this was the only last option I had. This works really well so I’m gonna settle with this tonight.

Virat seems to be having some big personal issue. I wonder what it is. His blog post is vague and doesnt reveal any clues. I gotta get it out of him but he refuses to type all that and now I dont have voice chat. (/me searches for skype linux.). He says its 100 time worse than the problem thats been bothering me since 2 months (mines no way related to computers). I don’t think his is either. Where are you dude!! I am waiting!

If anyone comes to my house I might play with their blood
– kvickyk when i asked him what he was doing for holi.

Crap

Its just 2 weeks into the new year.. and im already fuxed .. mentally.. man.. I never thought about things this much.. fucking shit.. it cant be like this.. damn it.. I’m going back to be the insensitive careless, irresponsible jackass.. i cant overcome this overhaul if i dont.. should i!?!? damn it.. im even thinking about this.. ahhhhhh grrrr… my hearts broken.. :(( never felt this bad … man! ;(((((

EDIT
Im really really depressed.. even 2 games of RAMBIT didnt do any good!!.. wtf am i supposed to do to overcome this!!!

Grrrr….

GAWD! I wanna write so much!! but that will bore you, so cutting short, I am not this soft know-it-all computer geek anymore. Time has arrived to be brutal, ruthless and insane and thats what I am, right from this moment. Some really strange things happened in the recent past, a long rational analysis led to this change in me. Its time to be cruel, literally, so watch out!

A Fools’ World

Well this I had to write about, It was just too much to take.
Slashdot’s Vastu:
From the article:

“Thirty-year-old Smita Narang is rapidly becoming one of India’s hottest Web designers. Her method: applying vastu shastra, the Indian counterpart of feng shui, to the online realm. The process entails mapping page attributes – HTML, colors, graphics – to elements like fire, water, and air. ‘Any disturbance of these established elements can cause an imbalance in the site that directly affects its business,’ Narang says.”

A direct proof to prove that there are in fact a lot of fools in the world who believe in this kinda crap. Seriously, aesthetics is what is needed not vastu you fools. I know, I know there is always this butterfly effect but compromising a site design just for the sake of complying with vastu is just ignorant. Same applies to houses, I still don’t get the point with houses. I have seen many people build great luxurious mansions and later destroying them just because some jackass vastu shastry told them their house wasn’t compliant and that it would cause them bad luck or put them in grave danger of loosing their money.

I have seen my father getting pissed when someone suggested vastu in his contracts, I always wondered what the problem was. Since its reached my domain now, I understand perfectly how lame it is. I can go on and on about how stupid all this is but, if you wanna hear all that. buzz me :P.

Southpark resumed :) but only one episode was good, rest were boring, come on Matt&Trey you can come up with better ideas! make it another season 8 😉

As Schumacher is now out of F1, my 8 year Schumi fan phase has ended. Luckily my next favourite driver, Kimi, is moving to Ferrari, so he is the man we cheer for next year. I just hope he doesn’t carry forward his bad luck from McLaren to Ferrari. 2008 Champ, Kimi, Alonso will never even be seen on the podium, pakka. I gotta get back to playing the RAMBIT scenario in AOE:TC now, the other bitches are waiting.

“Schumi you are my god :)”
” Kimi you are my angel :)

Monsoon

Rains not only drown Hyderabad but also, kill my net connection. This is what it used to be in the before days. It got worse; the internet service at my home had reached a stage where it works only when it wants to or if the ISP wants it to, whether it rains or not is irrelevant. So if I want to access the net, I have to call the ISP and yell at him and his lousy service and then hope I’ll get connected. It is analogous to a dial up connection where the yelling relates to the gibberish sounds the modem makes when it connects. However, after a few days of successive dial-up-isp-get-cable-internet-for-20min-at-50%packetloss-5KBps, everything shut down. The connection doesn’t even exist now. The internet led on my router doesn’t blink anymore, at the same time though I went off to live at my aunt’s place and was not bothered about it. Meanwhile at home dad and sis were paranoid over the lack of packets and started calling me for access as if I were an intermediate server. A week later I called him up and howled for I think almost twenty-five minutes telling him that if he didn’t fix it by the next day evening I would no longer be paying for his services, assuming he would ignore my threat I called up home and requested dad also to serve an ultimatum. I was expecting this plan to work, but it seems he never sent a single person for check-up or call back. I was amazed at their customer service; he has such a big base of ignorant users he decided to completely ignore us. Finally, to sum up I don’t have an always on connection anymore, which renders all my systems completely useless even the monster.

Luckily though, I have a Tata-Indicom wireless phone line which provides internet access via dial-up at 40ps per min. I think I will be on this for a while and hence my presence online will decrease drastically. Right now I am on a mission to convince people at home to get a BSNL line and improve their cyber-lives. I think its working, and so well that if I were a BSNL salesman I would have sold a thousand connections by now. Only issues being the initial 2000Rs+ installation, the 900Rs monthly rental and if BSNL is in we have to disconnect the wireless line. A hard notion for my father to digest on but I’m willing to wait.

Notice: All Schumacher/Ferrari fans, it is requested that you perform a ritual/prayer/ceremony/sacrifice/offering in your respective religion and ask your god to crash Alonso in the coming Hungarian GP. This will close up the championship tables and make the season more interesting. Thank you.